Oh, the holidays, that special time of year when we all cozy up by the fire in our matching pajamas, with our steaming mugs of homemade hot chocolate and the sugar cookies we ornately iced with that smooth royal icing.  And the cookies are decorated with those tiny silver ball things that are always on the sugar cookies in magazines and must be edible.  I guess.

Yeah, right.

While our kids often associate Christmas with the joy of twinkling lights and brightly wrapped packages, for parents the most wonderful time of the year can be a little bit stressful and a whole lot exhausting.  Even though the Christmas season is my favorite time of the year with my family, I will admit that all of the tasks and expectations can become a bit overwhelming.  Yes, I treasure every tradition of the season, including listening to the carols that I play on a continuous loop starting the day after Thanksgiving, but I do wonder what the lyrics might sound like if they reflected how we moms REALLY feel – at least some of the time – during the craziness of the holiday rush.  I kind of like these versions, just for fun . . .  What do you think?

To the tune of “Jingle Bells”

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Sarah just threw up
We can’t fly to grandma’s house
Those tickets cost so much . . . Hey!

Jingle bells, jingle bells
This is just my luck
Who will be the next to puke?
This laundry – (*gagging*) – YUCK!

 

To the tune of “Deck the Halls”

Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Falalalala-lala-la-la
Why is all this my job anyway?
Falalalala-lala-la-la
You thought I’d do this by myself?
Falala-lalala-la-la-la
Good luck. I quit. Go find an elf.
Falalalala-lala-la-la

 

To the tune of “All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth”

All I want for Christmas is to get some sleep
Some time for me
Yes, an hour that’s free
Please, if I could only get a good night’s sleep
Then I could wish you, “Merry Christmas”

 

To the tune of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Take a look in the five-and-ten; lines that will never end
With moms whose patience ran out long ago
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Crowds in every store
So the prettiest sights to see are deliveries that will be
At your own front door

 

To the tune of “Let It Snow”

Oh, the lists just keep on growing,
And I’m shopping without knowing
What to buy so tears don’t flow
Let it go, let it go, let it go.

There are cards I won’t be sending
And I know I’m overspending
I’ve hit my holiday all-time low
Let it go, let it go, let it go.

When I buy cookies off the shelf
Oh, it feels like a holiday fail
I keep forgetting to move the elf
And don’t ask me to step on a scale

Oh, the gifts, they still need wrapping
And my kids are home and scrapping
But Christmas means more, I know
Let it go, let it go, let it go.

 

To the tune of “Up on the Housetop”

Up on the housetop, the bulbs won’t glow
Why they won’t we just don’t know
Hours and hours of hanging lights
All for a house that’s dark at night

Dad, he had just one desire
Light the night up like a fire
No more Christmas in the dark
Dreaming he would outshine Clark

Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn’t go?
Up on the ladder, slick as ice
To impress the neighbors at any price

 

To the tune of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Even if you put together toys all night

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
Pretend you don’t mind what your crazy relatives say

Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Uncle Joe’s fourth wife isn’t dear to us
But she gathers near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together
If no one gets mad
Even then, we’ll come to please our mom and dad
So have yourself a merry little Christmas . . .
Have yourself a merry little Christmas . . .
Really – have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

 

Happy holidays, friends!  Don’t forget the reason for this very special season, and thanks, as always, for supporting my blog!

~Mary Ann